Ozai Narrative
by A Splash of Sunshine
Summary: A satirical view as to the real reason Ozai banished Zuko. Includes documents of Ozai's wife, young Azula and AustralianIndoorRulesQuiddich. Oneshot.


"I am Fire Lord Ozai-"A savage throwing of tomatoes, rocks, and cabbages to the shadowed figure temporarily interrupted his speech. "Ow ow ow ow, not the face! Not the face!" Now spattered in red tomato juice, a cabbage caught in his hair and several rocks imprinted on his forehead, the Fire Lord sighed. "As you can see, I'm not very popular." 

A Zuko fangirl wearing a 'Zhao Lives!' tee appeared at his side. "Well, DUH! You scarred and banished Zuko you son of a-"

Ozai rid of the girl simply by burning her into a pile of ashes. "Where was I? Ah, yes. My son; Zuko." Ozai sighed deeply. "Zuko was my first born, and believe it or not I was happy to enter the world of parenthood. I had my hopes, dreams and worries for Zuko, as any parent has for their child. I hoped he would be a strong leader, I dreamed he'd be by my side as I conquered the world and most importantly, I worried.

"There was not one specific thing. No, I worried about everything! Zuko, from a very young age was clumsy. Always walking into walls, stepping on gardening tools, burning the drapes whenever he'd sneeze. My wife tried to convince me it was 'just a faze', and yet a part of me knew better. For one day, I was wandering the palace when I saw Zuko, now eight at the time, playing dolls with his sister."

**"I wanna be a fashion designer when I grow up, you be Fire Lord."**

**Azula happily agreed. "'Kay!"**

"I was heart broken. My son, my first born, refusing the throne! I could not speak to my wife about this, no, she'd automatically assume that I was using Zuko as an excuse to poke at her poor parenting skills… A bit off topic, but in any event my wife was (and still is, as far as I'm concerned) useless. So, I turned to my brother-in-law. Iroh."

**Ozai and Iroh sat across from each other, drinking bowls of tea. "I just don't know what to do Iroh, Zuko cannot become a fashion designer!"**

**"I disagree." Iroh held up his hand. "See this gauntlet? Zuko helped me pick it up, and in addition to that, we found boots and a belt to match!"**

Ozai sighs. "So, I can't count on my wife, I can't count on my brother-in-law, dad's dead, mom's in rehab and I can't pay for a psychiatrist for Zuko because I've wasted all my money on marriage counseling. So, I did what any I-think-I'm-a-good-father would do. I forced my son to participate in sports."

**"But daddy!" Zuko, now eleven, gestured with his hand. "I don't want to play Australian-Indoor-Rules-Quiddich!"**

**Ozai pointed to Zuko sharply. "You'll do it or I'll sell you jewelry."**

**Zuko gasped. "No! I'll never be able to accessorize again!"**

"It was then I began to worry that my son may be gay. It wasn't just that, when he played Australian-Indoor-Rules-Quiddich, he'd bump into the other players, fall on top of his team mates. My wife tried to convince me that he was still just clumsy but I could see through his little act! I cried in corners all by myself for hours, thinking of how I'd lost my son to a world I dare not venture, and how my daughter was convicted of several crimes involving killing, skinning, and eating cats.

"All in all, my life was beginning to be become a living hell. Then, two years ago, when Zuko was fourteen, I found the answer."

**"Oh Mi God! I broke a nail!" Zuko wailed, interrupting the general or colonels (I'm to old and rich to care) strategy. The entire board room looks at Zuko as he sits embarrassingly, Ozai begins to bang his head on one of the pillars, thinking about how stupid his son is. A candle pops over Ozai's head, and idea having been formed.**

"The Agni Kai was the answer. I knew he'd refuse to fight me a) Because he's a wimp and b) well, he's just a big fat wimp. I scarred him to such a degree that even makeup couldn't fix him, and I banished him. So you see, it was all tough love! What else but four years at sea, commanding a ship full of men to chase a twelve-year-old boy could straiten up a young man! And, on the bright side, my wife divorce me and ran off with a warden of some prison ship or a cabbage merchant in the Earth kingdom! No downside!"

Another fangirl, this time a gay boy referring to himself as a fangirl, appears at Ozai's side and kicks him in the groin. "Bastard."

The End.

_Disclaimer:  
-I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender; Nickelodeon does.  
-I do not own the "Zhao Lives!" tee-shirt; Isaia does I do not own Australian-Indoor-Rules-Quiddich; Machall does I do not promote nor disapprove of homosexuality; That's your choice, if I offended you I apologize. I felt that the story called for it and hey, "If it's on the internet, it's free game"  
-I do not own the phrase "If it's on the internet, it's free game."; Booter-freak does._

If I receive more than fifteen reviews, I will post a sequel, delving into the thoughts of Katara and Sokka's father; Kota.

Thank you for reading,

Han Futsu; Anti Normal


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